plz talk dirty to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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