I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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