I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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