i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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