I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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