sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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