Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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