idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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