There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
