I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
