I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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