So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
