Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
