It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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