HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Randomize
