It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
