Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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