Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
