Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
