people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
