Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
