Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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