You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
