i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
