I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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