READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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