last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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