She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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