I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
