mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
what the fuck happened to the tacos
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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