This house was built for laser tag.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
