Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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