This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
