I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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