also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
