i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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