One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
