We won't sleep together?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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