If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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