I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
