i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
