So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
