Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
