So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
