..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
