Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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