i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
