Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
