My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
