Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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