Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
