i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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