He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
