I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
