So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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