he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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