Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
