So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Non-Jews are for practice
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
