Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
