Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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