The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
