he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
