And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
