We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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