i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
