I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
