dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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