I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
