And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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