I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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