I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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